very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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