im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
