we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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