And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
