Don't you send me to vm
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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