Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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