i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
