theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
