the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize