In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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