In the future we'll all be gay
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
