Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
