Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
