My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
