i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
