just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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