I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
