Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
