just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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