addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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