i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize