My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
