I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
