I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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