my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
