well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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