the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
