Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize