I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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