omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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