You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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