so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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