We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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