You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
