wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
