Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize