She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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