U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
