maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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