He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is wine microwaveable?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
