so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
