Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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