he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
