You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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