I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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