you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
