Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
