let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
