Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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