ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
