Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
