the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
