I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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