Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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