there's paper in my vomit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
