Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
