I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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