i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
