have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
