if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
