My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
