Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
