we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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