I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
