Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
