Don't you send me to vm
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
