Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
