My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
