its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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