When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize