What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When are your genitals available?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
