apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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