so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
