Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this will be a night to untag.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize