he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
