Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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