Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
