Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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