This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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