i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
