dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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