i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
