I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
