there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
