I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
