I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
