Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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