This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So much rum. So many feels.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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