you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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