At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
