I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize