Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
