absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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