Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
