just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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