Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
