We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize